Chief Canine Officers

Chief Canine Officers
  • It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
  • 'Meet now?' 'Meet later?' 'Meet soon?' Ugh, how do I focus with all this talk of meat?
  • I scored a C-suite title with absolutely no experience or effort. I'm a hero to millennials everywhere.
  • Studies say it's unhealthy to sit at a desk all day. So we recommend the floor.
  • Is it fair that I have to be my own emotional support animal?
  • I love late-night brainstorming - how we all come together, toss out ideas and finally decide on a topping.
  • Some marketing strategies are garbage. No wait, we like garbage.
  • In negotiations. I’ve learned to keep a poker face. Still working on the tail.
  • My hires must be three things: hypermotivated, hyperintelligent and hypoallergenic.
  • We're executives! You can't hypnotize us with a dog treat. We're it.
  • I'm an equal opportunity employer. Would I hire a pitbull? Yes. A cat? Sure. A Chihuahua? Get serious.
  • When the stress of this job gets to me, I self-medicate.
  • If they wanted someone to put out fires, they should have hired a Dalmatian.
  • I swear, new people appear every time it opens.
  • Scheduling meetings is like 'herding cats'? When can we start?
  • Close the door. I'm having a Don Draper moment.
  • Don't overstaff. You never want a client to say: Do I really need two dogs on my account?
  • If you mess up, own it. If you ate the RFP, say: 'I ate the RFP... And it was delicious.'
  • Decision time. Whose lunch should I eat today?
  • I bought an edible arrangement for my Valentine's date. Needless to say, I arrived empty-handed.
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